aldo lace flats
elizabeth arden rouge lip stick.
1) being jealous
2) wanting what you don't have.
I have been pondering day in and day out how to avoid these facts that nag at me. Like why don't I treasure what i have? does it really take stripping away my core for me to realize how amazing things are? I guess I just constantly want improvement, but where is that line between wanting and never being satisfied? kinda like faustus who is always wanting more and more power and ends up in the hell of his own unsatisfactory. . and why is it so hard to love someone without being jealous. or caring about someone so much that when you see them with someone else it tugs at some strings in you essence you didn't know you had. The movie Kissing Jessica Stein words it out nicely, I'll paraphrase since i can't seem to find the quote.. it makes me sad that your happy not because i don't want you to be happy but because I want to be the one that makes you happy.
how can you compete for someone's attention when there are so many other people out there.. ?
maybe when I do find the right one, I won't mind sharing his attention with everyone because I would know that ultimately his attention and his life for that matter is mine, as much as mine is his. this is very similarly applicable to best friends and parents.. wow.
well for now, I know what i want, and I'm not going to settle. I'm happier this way because even if I am by myself at least I can embrace my dreams and faith instead of knowing at the end of the day I just complied to the norm of needing affection. I believe very much in love at first sight, not fully, but that chemistry, that SPARK, because if they have never caught my eye, and i end up falling for his personality... it's not enough. I don't know how to explain it but it's lacking an ingredient from the grand recipe. I would want to say lust isn't that important but i'd be lying. Lust is a stage of intimate love.. do you agree? anyways when that comes along, the guy better prove me wrong in the fact that I will never have to leave him to realize i want him. I guess this week is another lesson learned.